The English Roses 

By Madonna
Reviewed by

    Speaking of her newly released children’s book, The English Roses, Madonna voiced the following opinion at a press release party. "There is one life-giving force in the world. When we disconnect from this life-giving force, that's when we bring chaos and pain and suffering into our lives. Each of the stories have to do with different ways you disconnect from God."
    The English Roses, which was simultaneously released in 100 countries in 30 different languages, is a picture book, and as such might be thought to have two life giving forces, the author and the illustrator, however in this case the producers of the book chose to follow Madonna’s precept of singularity. No mention of the illustrator, Jeffrey Fulrimari, is made on the jacket, outer slipcase, or cover of the book. Nor is he given a biographical description beneath the author’s on the back inner of the book. Fulrimari is noted only once on the title page.
    The shabby treatment accorded Fulrimari, a fashion artist for whom The English Roses was the first children’s book, in favor of putting the public eye squarely on Madonna, makes it somewhat questionable as to whether the "one-life giving force in the world" is to be understand as God, Madonna, or publicity. The answer is almost certainly, all three. The idea of a unified trinity is, after all, a familiar and orthodox one.
    If we consider The English Roses from the standpoint of this trinity, Publicity, Madonna, and God. We must conclude that it cannot be faulted in terms of being connected to Publicity and Madonna. The lead character Binah, essentially is Madonna. Bynah is ostracized for being too beautiful, smart and athletic, a pain with which we may assume the author has an intimate familiarity.
    The story of how Binah is ultimately accepted by the English Roses, four beautiful, smart, and fashionable girls, is unoriginal and uninteresting. A fairy Godmother shows the girls that Binah’s life is harder and more distasteful than their own are, because she has to do household chores. Binah’s mother is dead, which makes her a figure of pity. Binah’s father works all day and so, as we’ve noted earlier, Binah has to do household chores. Perhaps the English Roses could be more accepting of Binah? They can! Indeed, "they grew to love her like a sister and often went to her house to help her with her chores."
    The English Roses could be worse. There’s nothing truly dreadful about the story. It doesn’t "bring chaos and pain and suffering into our lives," it’s just self involved, boring and creatively inert. On the plus side it’s by and about Madonna, and has a tremendous amount of publicity, so that end is covered. It’s too bad that Fulrimari’s illustrations are irrelevant, because they’re very good, but one can’t have everything.
    Madonna has four more children’s books coming out, all of which will, we hope, be about Madonna, have tons of publicity, and illustrate "different ways you disconnect from God."